on purpose and passion and logic and heart

In my teens and 20s, I was longing to find that one passion, one purpose that everyone talked about needing for happiness and success. But I could never find it in the tangible and material no matter how hard I tried. I had unknowingly chased my own tail, not realizing that my purpose was already expressing itself through my reflective nature and pursuit for meaning. At the time, I didn’t know and couldn’t know that these qualities were enough to offer something powerful in the world.

With most big life decisions, it seems that I followed my intuition first — the school I chose, the communities I joined or left, the career paths I pursued, the opportunities I took abroad, the places I lived — and *then* I created the logic to help those decisions make sense to me and those around me. In a world that praises faculty of intellect, of which I developed well, I felt that to play this game of life I would need to find the rationales — both for my head to get on board, as well as other people.

I used to have inner conflict about this arrangement, as though I was compromising myself each time I tried to fit what felt right to me into the acceptable logical mold, but now I see it as a wise strategy for moving through our material world. I believe that we find both our power and our peace when we align our head, heart, and hands to a forward direction. And I think this was what I was always trying to do, even though I was unsure of how to do it.

Though I was naturally aware of my heart in decision-making, I was really afraid by it, and challenged the process all the time. I had received all the approval and attention for my mind and my smarts and was reduced in most other areas of myself, so I couldn’t fully trust anything beyond logic to lead the way. At the same time, I couldn’t deny that there was more than logic at play, more than just my head directing me. Despite it being overwhelming to navigate, I was aware of the infinite possibilities ahead, yet I also began to notice the happenstances in life that, looking back, chartered certain course for me.

It also now feels like I was holding a secret to my own successes that I didn’t even allow myself to know about: my heart path, which didn’t follow a formula, but still somehow fit the social scripts, just enough. This combination offered an obvious safety that I’ve been thankful to have on my way to creating a life that’s deeply true to my nature.

It’s clear that many of us have learned to rely on logic alone and then spend years digging into the crevices of their heart to find something to love about our decisions, often unsatisfied with the result. Sometimes, decisions are so *off* purpose — so untrue to who we really are — that we never really do find the love. And this is the greatest heartbreak to me. Because to love thyself is the lesson we are all here to learn.

What I’d tell my 20-something self, though she wouldn’t have found it useful or tangible enough, is that now I know our only purpose here is to be more of who we truly are. And our one passion? To play to that purpose.

Everything we’re meant to do, and how we’re meant to do it, falls into place from there. Our first step is to engage in a process of self-inquiry. To uncover and become aware of the layers to ourselves.

When we understand that our only responsibility is to be aware of who we truly are, so that we can become more of it, then we can trust that our purpose is safe to manifest in whatever way it will, and that any path we choose will inevitably be OK. You can’t get it wrong when you start from a place of honest self-awareness.

I write often to answer a core question of myself, and I’m coming to see that by sharing what’s been potent to my path so far can be of deep service to others. And I’m no longer afraid by my heart. To bring this back to the beginning, I’m coming to accept that my reflective nature and pursuit for meaning is enough to offer something powerful in the world.

Whatever *your* true nature is and whatever your pursuit is for, trust that there is a place for you to express it, and many paths for you to fulfill it.

Side by side,
-G